Old MacDonald Had a Farm… Or Was It a Zoo?
May 30, 2008
It’s Friday.
It’s also the first day of ‘Summer Break’ for Buttercup – or from my perspective, the first day of ‘you get no break until camp starts.’
We played. We went to McDonald’s. We went to Target. We played. She’s said “Mommy…” about 3 gazillion times at intervals no greater than 3 minutes at a time. Even when she was out playing in the backyard, she’d come back and open the door to tell me her random thoughts every 2 minutes.
Did I mention that thanks to Mother Nature it’s also the first day of that monthly curse of mine, Extreme-Bitchitude-Brought-On-By-PMS? (If I didn’t, well, you would’ve figured it out quickly enough if you had to spend more than 5 minutes in my presence.)
So it has been um… challenging – that’s a good word – yeah, it has been challenging today.
GeekDaddy came home at long last and relieved me of child duty. This would normally mean I sighed, relaxed, and took just enough time to turn normal again before her bedtime. Instead, due to the E.B.B.O.B.PMS, it meant I could be bitchy by myself in the corner for a few minutes while he fielded the new slew of “Daddy… Daddy… Daddy…” utterings.
But just now, one of those moments happened that made me laugh so hard that I almost snorted, despite my foul little, black mood. It’s probably not funny to anyone outside of me and GeekDaddy, but I’m sharing it because if you have kids, you’ve had these moments yourself with yours – and it’s the WTF? moment that lightens you up despite yourself.
GeekDaddy: “say Buttercup, what vegetables would be good with dinner?”
Buttercup: “Carrots… like a bunny, I want carrots.” (hop, hop, hopping around)
GD: “Bunny Carrots? and how about Bunny Corn?”
B: “No, Daddy, it’s not Bunny Corn.”
GD: “It’s not?”
B: “No, Daddy, it’s Piggy Corn.”
GD: “Bunny Carrots and Piggy Corn… and what animal do you suppose likes edamame?”
B: (thinks for a second) “Raccoons.”
Yeah, it’s probably not as funny to you – but it cracked me up so hard I just about spit water on my laptop. Because you know – raccoons… they’re huge edamame fans. Heard they like sushi too.
Seriously, my daughter’s brain is so much more complex than mine.
Raccoons?
GeekDaddy says we must have a bunch of heart healthy raccoons around here. I just wonder who their soy supplier is.
Why I Suck at Being in the Audience & Other 1-sided Relationships
May 27, 2008
Part of the reason I have such a hard time consistently blogging is that it consists of me, alone in a room, typing my thoughts out.
Given the choice, I’d rather be in a coffeeshop somewhere, having a discussion with other interesting people over pontificating alone by myself… Part of the reason I loved teaching college was that I was at a level of education where there was a lot of dialog in the classroom. I loathed those classes where I just stood up at the front and lectured for the majority of the time and was met by deafening silence when I got to the point where I said “any questions?” I adored the ones where I could plan on at least 1/2 of the content to come from the class – whether in the form of questions, challenges, new ideas, or even just commentary.
So part of the allure for me for sites like LiveJournal, Usenet, Twitter, Friend Feed et al is the fact that I can post something short and conversational and most times start an actual conversation with other interesting people.
The reverse-side of the coin of ‘hating being the only one talking’ is also true for me too, tho. Part of the reason I never really got enamoured of RSS blog feeds or podcasts was that as much as I dislike ‘being the sole voice’ I also hate ‘only having a limited voice, if having one at all.’ Sure, on most blogs there’s the comment section – but so few bloggers actually have conversations in their own comment threads. And as for podcasts? Yeah, I always want to stop 3 minutes in and say “hey wait a minute what about…” but no one is there to hear me.
Every so often, I find myself in situations where I think I’m having conversations with people – or even having relationships with them based on meaningful and/or interesting conversations – and something happens that lets me know I’m not. I realize that the other person doesn’t see me as a partner in their conversation, but more, as an audience member or as an ‘adoring fan’ to their starring role.
That always just about sends me into a fit.
Because it’s like being tricked into being someone’s audience or fan – and I really hate feeling like I’ve been tricked into a relationship I wouldn’t necessarily enter voluntarily.
Every now and then, I’ve wondered at the nature of my relationship with one person or another and thought “hm… am I here in this conversation because s/he thinks I have something to add? or is s/he just waiting politely until I shut up again so s/he can start talking and showing me how brilliant s/he is?”
The easiest way to tell, I’ve found, is just to shut up. If I don’t initiate the conversation and that person stops talking to me entirely? Yeah, I’m perceived by them in the ‘fan’ role. If I don’t assert myself and start replying only with ‘mm-hmm’ and ‘uh-huh’ and ‘yes, I see’ and s/he keeps babbling along like a brook and never stops to say ‘you’re being awfully quiet – what do you think?’ Yeah, that one has me slotted as audience member.
I suck at dealing with that. As soon as I feel like any warm body or receptive ear will do, I walk away. It’s kind of childish, I guess – but I’d like to think that people whose thoughts and ideas I value also value mine – and if not? Well, there are 6 billion plus other people on the planet so I’m probably better off putting my energy elsewhere and getting the return value.
Granted, I think everyone feels this way at times.
I know I’m horrid about ‘maintaining’ energy input into friendships over long periods of time. Anyone who has managed to stay in my life more than about a year can tell you that there are always periods where both of us ‘lose focus’ and one has to reinitiate contact for us both to start interacting again. But that’s different in my mind. Usually, it results from having too little time to do all the things we’d like to in life and too few resources to spend trying to nurture all of the important relationships in our lives at the same time. It’s not about not valuing the other person’s thoughts or time, which is what I’m talking about above.
I spend a lot of time and energy trying to make sure that I reply to people who talk to me, that I take interest in what other’s have to say, and that I don’t make them feel like I perceive them as simply an audience or a fan. Because I hate it so much being treated that way myself.
Someday, I’m sure I’ll find a more graceful way to deal with the whole phenomena – but at present I find I simply walk away when someone seems to be putting me in the situation of being on either side of a 1-way conversation, and as you can see, I don’t blog often enough to feel like I’m talking to myself. My way of coping is rudimentary, but effective for the moment. I suspect I’ll have to change it though as I get deeper into “social” media. Just a guess, but I figure I’d better get started figuring it out.
What do you think?
There’s Laziness… Then There’s Exhaustion
May 20, 2008
I’ve got so much to share with you guys.
I mean, we just got back from a fast jaunt to Disneyland with my extended family. I’ve got pictures of Buttercup and princesses for days. I’ve got cute anecdotes (if I can remember them). I’ve got just general things to say.
But I’m also so far under the weather that I just can’t do it.
I’m going on 2 weeks straight (possibly 3 if the other thing was related) of whatever this throat thing is. Right before we left, I lost my voice. The doctor’s visit last week said “virus – get lots of rest and fluids.” But since then, I’ve added cough, asthma attacks, sinus stuff, headaches and exhaustion resulting in sleepiness that is bordering on narcolepsy.
Sunday night, we got home. I got to sleep at around 10:30p… woke up for an hour at 9a… back to sleep until 2:30p. Up for another 2 hours… back to sleep until 7:00. Up until 11p – slept until 8:20a
Seeing a pattern above? Yep, I’ve been asleep more than awake lately. Even today, between catnaps and sleeping in, I’m unbalanced. I’m only keeping myself awake right now because Buttercup is awake – so liberal amounts of caffeine are being applied.
So I’m blathering on here about how sick & exhausted I am. Because basically, it’s the reason I haven’t put anything up in the past few days. I should – but it’s pretty low on the list compared to ‘try not to die of the plague.’
Yes, yes… if it keeps up, I’m going back to the doctor. But for now? I just want GeekDaddy to come home so I can go to bed.
Yep, It Is Hard to Walk with a Foot in My Mouth
May 14, 2008
I like to believe that I’m an open-minded person. Which might seem a little contradictory if you are used to me spouting of my opinions with conviction… but it really isn’t. Just because I manage to sound utterly convinced of something doesn’t mean I’m not aware that I might be utterly wrong.
I am also the sort of person who has no issues admitting when I’ve discovered I was utterly wrong. Usually, I admit my error as publicly as possible. Because I always thought I should be as stridently vocal about that part as I was in the place where I erred.
You can see where this is going now, huh?
Last night I was wrong in a big way. One of those big ways that when it hits you makes you say “d’oh!” out loud and wish you could take back almost everything you’ve said and magically erase all evidence of your own stupidity? I know, I know – it’s my crow and I’ll eat it. I just want to salt it a bit first. Makes it more palatable.
The thing is, along with admitting my error, I owe quite a few people thanks for providing the catalyst for me realizing I was wrong.
The whole event occurred on Twitter, of course. I suppose it was just a matter of time before I had one of these episodes to address. I broke a couple of my own cardinal rules about twitter, I was on cold medicine, up later than I should be, and got involved in a conversation about
both politics and religion. I think if there’s a red-flag in all of that, there’s at least a dozen.
Nonetheless, when my dear friend and staunch Obama supporter @QueenofSpain tweeted “and can I just please ask…WTF is WRONG with being MUSLIM???” out of frustration about the false rumors that Senator Obama is one, rather that looking at that statement and saying… ‘yep, not something I should even remotely attempt to discuss in this medium’ I put my fingers to keyboard and fired off a fiery and controversial two-tweet response
@QueenofSpain – actually, I wouldn’t vote for a practicing Muslim for any public office. b/c I’ve studied Islam enough to make that call
@QueenofSpain – then again, I’m weird like that, but I won’t vote for anyone who thinks me lesser for being a woman. Male or female.
This, as you can imagine, had the effect on Twitter of dropping baking soda in vinegar
Volcano erupting in 140 characters at a time
If you really want to go see the whole thing, there’s always Tweetscan or Summize or Terraminds out there.
The relevant questions are:
1) What the hell kind of statement is that for me to make? I’m talking about religion and politics and trying to convey a complexity of thinking in 280 characters?
2) I’m making a blanket statement that tars & feathers any and all people who identify with one religeion?
3) Not only that, but I go on to discuss this on multiple fronts with multiple people as if adding more sand into the pond will somehow unmuddy the water
Fortunately, I don’t surround myself with people who necessarily think like me. Because an echo-chamber of “yes! oh that’s it! you’re absolutely right!” isn’t really conducive to learning anything. I surround myself with smart, thinking, articulate people who run the gamut on beliefs, lifestyles, opinions and every other choice you can make. They also tend to be the kind of people who will challenge me when they think I’m full of crap. Sometimes, we have to agree to disagree – because it turns out we’re both full of crap to an extent – and sometimes I have to self-assess and think “now wait a minute – someone whose opinions you respect is challenging you on this… think about it.”
Part of the reason I love hanging out with Erin Kotecki Vest (the aforementioned @QueenofSpain ) is that she’s one of those people. We agree to disagree a lot. But sometimes she makes me realize that I need to rethink my positions… and she usually does it without the aid of a 2×4.
Also in last-night’s group were @Karoli @marywallace @Adriennevh @kingtiger @blogdiva @summerm @MarkRiffey @Dayngr and a few other side-commenters… who were wiser than I and abstained from getting involved for real.
But most fortunately for me, was @CityMama who said the simplest of things to me:
@GeekMommy really? (not trying to be flip)
It’s that one line that sent me into thinking about it non-stop until I got out of bed and typed up the basics of this post quickly. That, and two other subsequent tweets:
@marywallace @GeekMommy I agree, but elected politicians are supposed to be able to decide on their own without consulting their holy books…
@blogdiva @GeekMommy i got that. just saying it’s funny because as someone with a muslim brother, his reg is the last reason why i wouldn’t vote 4 him
Well yeah. Geez.
Clearly from @CityMama’s reaction, I said something utterly shocking and asinine. Seriously. That should’ve stopped my typing right there – and probably would’ve if I hadn’t been whacked out on Drixoral and apparently ready to fit both feet in my mouth.
Then you’ve got this premise @marywallace brings up. Something that I really, honestly believe in. Now, I also believe there are a lot of folks out there incapable of doing this. But I think there are those who can as well. So I’m saying that just by identifying oneself with a religion that has beliefs I find offensive and believe would negatively impact my life if someone of power tried to wield that power to enforce those values – I’m going to also assume that *this* person cannot look at the beliefs of his/her religion and say “but that does not take precedence over the law”? That seems incredibly stupid, close-minded, and unfair of me.
I mean, there have been politicians, judges, civil servants galore who have come right out and said “my religion comes before the secular government of this land” – and I wouldn’t vote for them for any amount of money. But there have been equally as many who have stood up for the concept of separation of church and state – and I do them a discredit to say “no one can do this!”
Wrapping It Up
Did I say something stupid? Absolutely. Was I wrong? On more than one front – I was wrong to assume that anyone has to fit my own stereotype. I was also wrong to say something that in my heart, I don’t really believe. It’s just a matter of limitations on wording.
I have Catholic friends who go to church every week. They are very dedicated to their faith, their church, and their community. They also use birth control. The Catholic church’s official stance on birth control is that it is not acceptable. That conception is in God’s hands and it is a sin to interfere with that. But there are a lot of Catholics out there who aren’t using the rhythm method, thanks.
The stupid statement I made above makes the assumption that one can’t identify as Muslim and disagree with certain tenets of the faith. I mean c’mon, I know better than that.
But I really appreciate my Twitterfriends for making me think twice about how I really feel about it… and I hope next time, not to be so foolish.
Oh, and a Red Herring
That said, I was wrong about another thing, which I hesitate to bring up – because it’s simply putting out crumbs and hoping the rats don’t show up. But I was also horribly, embarrassingly, factually wrong in one of my tweets. It was a typo – but one that one of my TwitterStalkers (who shall remain unnamed here – because I’m not going to give him even that much attention) jumped right on and started @’ing me about – despite knowing I’ve got him blocked – so that it would show up in my Tweetscan. Yes, yes, there are in fact 5 Pillars of Islam in the conventional faith (unless you are a separatist jihadist Druze) not 7. Mea Culpa… I typoed a number – I misspell things sometimes and often transpose numbers due to a mild dyslexia. Thank heaven for spellcheck… but it won’t tell you that you typed the wrong number.
Final Thoughts
So then… would I vote for a Muslim for President of the United States? The answer is, of course, that would depend entirely on the candidate and whether or not I believed that his/her religious views would negatively impact my way of life if s/he were to become President. The funny part is, the main reason I broke party rank as a Republican eight years ago and voted *against* George Bush was that I believed he was incapable of doing that. History has shown that by my reasoning, I was correct in that estimation.
Anyhoo – there it is.
I love having friends & Twitterpals that can make me re-examine my beliefs and move forward. Even if it is stupid at best to discuss such a complex topic in that format – it’s great to know that I have folks who can push back when I need it. Thank you.
Not Short, Not Sweet, but to the Point…
May 12, 2008
I’m not a professional blogger. No one pays me to do this. (Which is good at the moment, or they’d want to know why I haven’t been showing up to work lately!)
I’m not a reporter. No one comes here first to find out anything other than what my preschooler has been up to lately.
I’m not a Public Relations person. Nope, I get the field of PR, but I’ve never worked in it professionally.
I guess when it comes to the construct that is made up of those with news, those relaying the news, and those reading/listening to the news, I fall in that last category. We’ll just call me a consumer – because pretty much everyone gets that idea.
The Information Flow Model 101 – Company to Consumer
Most folks probably already know this, but for those busy focusing on other things, here’s a quick down & dirty about the cycle and where people fit in.
So you’ve got these companies who want to get the news out about their latest product/service/what-have-you. They hire PR folks. Sometimes it’s an internal position, sometimes they outsource it to a PR firm. Basically, it’s a matter of “we’ve got the world’s greatest widget – how do we let everyone know??”
PR folks – in theory – make a living knowing how to get the information to the people. They don’t carry the information to the consumers themselves. What they do is build relationships with people who *do* carry the information to the consumers. In days of old, this meant a 2 prong approach – advertising and getting reporters to cover/write about/talk about/demonstrate your product. In the new media world, it’s a 3-prong approach – advertising, reporters and now, bloggers/internet sites.
Reporters/Bloggers… I use the hyphen because one camp says that the second group is a subset of the first – and the other camp says that they are most decidedly not. Let’s just put it this way – both find out about new products, services, information and cover it so their audiences get exposure to it. They’re both disseminators of information that have built up a certain level of trust with a group of consumers.
Consumers – that being what most of us are, even if you are also in one of the other categories as well – choose who to listen to and who to trust with regard to new data. In the end, we’re the people the companies are trying to reach.
Annnd My Point Is?
Unbeknown to the average Joe Consumer, there’s been some static building up between PR people and Bloggers over the past – oh, forever – and it kind of hit a boiling point over the weekend when one prominent editor (Gina Tripani) of an information site (Lifehacker) Twittered about her “PR Blacklist” – which was apparently a list of domains that she blocks all email from now.
The reasoning behind this was that someone (or many folks) from each of these domains had abused her personal email address to send broad-spectrum ‘pitches’ to her in the hopes that the site she edits would cover their client’s ‘big news’.
This caused a bit of fury in PR circles because responsible PR folk (who would never dream of doing something that stupid) were being tarred & feathered along with a few guilty imbeciles.
A discussion sprang up between some notable bloggers & PR folk who frequent Twitter, Friend-Feed and many of the blogs that started discussing the issue. On one side, there were the PR people – tired of feeling trod upon and badmouthed, angry at the audacity of posting a blacklist of entire agencies. On the other side, there were prominent bloggers – tired of flooded inboxes containing blanket PR pitches that weren’t relevant to them and wasted their time. It didn’t take long until PR people started making their own “Blogger Blacklists” in response and the whole thing morphed into an ‘issue.’
It’s gotten rather heated, actually. It’s hard to tell if you aren’t used to reading some of these folk regularly, but if you are, you can hear the underlying frustration. They’re all just too darned professional to let it get the better of them though, so it’s usually a polite-but-intense discussion.
But they seem to be getting nowhere at the moment. Because, as everyone keeps acknowledging, the ‘guilty’ parties aren’t part of the discussion nor are they likely to be.
The lazy, inept PR wannabes causing the problems for the bloggers? They’re not going to stop blanket-spamming any time soon.
The responsible, professional, creditable PR folks trying to fix the issues? They’re not part of the problem.
Is There a Resolution?
Of course. But no one is going to like it. Because that’s how these things go. The PR folks want the bloggers to just ignore/delete/cope with the inbox-violators. The bloggers want the PR folks to either cope with the blacklisting or police their own industry. Neither is going to happen independently. Because realistically? Neither of those solves the problem for both sides.
So a compromise is in order – and NO ONE likes a compromise.
Put yourself in the shoes of the PR person. Let’s say you suddenly found that you couldn’t email your Aunt Edna pictures of her favorite nephew because some jerk on your ISP had spammed someone in a position to block them on her ISP… wouldn’t you be pissed? Of course.
But at whom? Her ISP for blocking everything coming from yours? Your ISP for allowing a spammer to make things bad for everyone? The spammer?
Yep. All of the above.
And the solution lies with all of the above, just like it does with PR & Bloggers.
If you’re a blogger – the solution is to show a little grace. Not a ‘first strike you’re out’ policy – or a ‘you’ll never get off this list’ policy. Maybe instead a policy of ‘first time, a warning goes to the agency in question’ (dear Agency, receiving untargeted pitch spam from John Doe – if this continues – will block your domain until such time as you retrain your PR agents) followed by a block – with the ability to redeem oneself or one’s agency. You can’t expect the dog to learn to behave if there’s no reason for it to reform.
If you’re a PR person – the solution is to work with the bloggers to root out the bad apples. Your agency domain is blocked? Why? Go to the top and find out who is making your job impossible and what their reasoning is. You receive an email from a blogger with a warning? Fix the issue or remove that blogger from your list of contacts.
As a consumer, I know that you are both part of the chain… but dammit, I want my information. I want to know what those companies want to tell me. I don’t want you guys playing games where you don’t talk to each other – because that’s not your job. Your job is to get that information from the companies to the consumers… because if you guys won’t? Trust me, eventually, somebody else will.
Neither side is the “bad guy” but there are “bad practices” on both sides at present and the only people that can fix that have to work together to do it.
So suck it up, get used to the other side using hyperbole to describe the sins of the few on your side (all PR people don’t get it… all bloggers are prima donnas) and get down to fixing the issue. Because otherwise, I don’t get to know about the latest widget. And I need that widget. Right?
Thanks.
Josephine A. Consumer
Why, Yes, Actually – Girls Can Do Math.
May 8, 2008
The Disclaimer
Okay, before I start this, let me preface it by saying that I’ve deliberated about this post quite a bit before ultimately deciding that I was going to write it simply because it would make me happier to get it out. I’m still uncommitted when it comes to who will get my vote for President next November. Yep – I’m one of those “I keep researching it, but I probably won’t be sure until faced with the actual ballot” people that drive others nuts.
In this election, I’m actually less disturbed than I’ve been for the past 5. It’s only the 2nd presidential election I’ve voted in where I didn’t feel like I had to vote against a candidate. That’s probably why I’m less inclined to post politically-natured blogs than many of my friends.
What I’m about to write will surely enrage some of those friends – at least, some of the more zealous Obama supporters.
The Situation
After this week’s primaries – I saw a slew of comments about how Hillary Clinton’s decision not to withdraw from the Democratic race was “proof that girls can’t do math.” Some people were saying it tongue-in-cheek, but out of a sense of outrage that the candidate opposing the one they supported wasn’t doing what they wanted her to do – drop out. I suspect that a few of the more misogynistic folks saying it meant it – but I give my friends the benefit of the doubt on that.
Still, the phrase has rankled since it started popping up on Tuesday night.
For 2 reasons, actually – one, it kind of implies that there are no men working on Hillary’s campaign. Seriously, do you think she’s the only one ‘doing the math’? More than one strategist working on that campaign has done the numbers I’m about to show you – and their gender had nothing to do with it.
Two – anyone who thinks that ‘there is no chance at this point that Hillary will win the needed delegates’ is the one not ‘doing the math.’
So let’s do the math, shall we?
By the Numbers
In the Democratic primary race, there are a total of 4,049 delegates up for grabs, including the super-delegates, which means a candidate needs 2,025 or more delegates to get the majority and win. (source)
Currently, Obama has 1,846 of those delegates – 1,588 pledged and 258 super-delegates who have declared for him. Clinton has 1,685 – 1,419 pledged and 266 super-delegates.
That’s a difference of 156 in Obama’s favor.
Only 217 pledged delegates are up for grabs in the remaining six contests: West Virginia, Kentucky, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Montana and South Dakota. (source).
Those saying Hillary can’t do math are saying that it’s obvious that she can’t win, because Obama only needs 179 of those to meet the 2,025 threshhold… whereas Clinton needs 340 to meet the threshhold – which is 123 more than she could get if she somehow won all those delegates.
But that’s where the ability to math actually comes in. You see let’s work through this:
Obama – 1846 current
Clinton – 1685 current
Primaries – 217 left
—————-
Total 3,748
Okay, so we started with a total of 4,049 delegates possible. If you subtract the 3,748 that will be committed after the primaries – that leaves 301 uncommitted super-delegates.
So between the 217 from the remaining primaries and the 301 uncommitted supers we have:
518 remaining, as yet uncommitted delegates.
Obama -> 2,025 – 1,846 = 179 needed to win nomination
Clinton -> 2,025 – 1,685 = 340 needed to win nomination
out of 518 remaining…
Can Hillary still win the nomination? Sure. Can Obama? Sure.
In fact, it comes down to 1 vote. If Obama gets 179, Hillary’s short by 1 – if Hillary gets 340, Obama’s short by 1.
That’s the math folks.
Now, if Obama manages to win 179 of the remaining 217 delegates from West Virginia, Kentucky, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Montana and South Dakota? (which means getting better than 82% of the vote in those areas – a margin he hasn’t had yet…) Then Hillary is done for. But until then? Don’t expect her to bow out.
As for me – I’ll be undecided until long after those delegates are committed – but I’ll keep doing the math. Because I can.
Edit to Add:
Because someone already misunderstood this…
Obama needs > 80% of the remaining state delegates to put Hillary out w/o super-delegates.
Clinton needs < 20% of the remaining state delegates if she gets ALL of the remaining undeclared super-delegates to win. (301 supers + 39 states = 340)
