Taking My Own Advice
January 26, 2010
Yesterday my daughter turned 7. Today, my niece turned 16.
Despite late nights at extended family birthday dinners and emotionally exhausting (despite satisfying) days for everyone in the GeekFamily, the kidlet and I have had a couple of serious heart-to-hearts right before bedtime in an attempt to process some of the more perplexing parts of behavior of other kids.
It seems my daughter comes honestly by the tendency to process the day’s events not as they happen but in one huge data dump right before sleep just like her mother. While GeekDaddy has a tendency to wish the overly-chatty women could not attempt to discuss every nuance of their days moments before unconsciousness, the kidlet and I are often incapable of achieving sleep if events are not processed to a certain point beforehand.
For me, this has resulted in many a late night sitting in coffee shops with a good friend or on the phone with them trying to work through a flow-chart of “what-ifs” and probabilities. It even led to my blogging habits and my initial Twitter forays – as there’s always *someone* to talk to on the Internet.
But when you’re 7 years old and in first grade, you’re sort of stuck hoping that one or the other of your parents is the sort who will work through things with you or relegating yourself to just not sleeping well a lot.
The really cool thing as her Mother though? Sometimes when I’m helping her work through stuff, I realize how parallel our situations are and how much I need to remember the particular lesson I’m trying to help her work through.
One of tonight’s themes was about caring about the opinions of those you respect or love while learning how not to take to heart negative words from those who fall in neither category.
Easier said than done, isn’t it?
So many of us are equipped with the standard, vulnerable and fragile human ego. We learn early that we’re not supposed to care about the cruel words of bullies, strangers, or the spiteful — all the while secretly wondering if perhaps there’s truth to what they say and if we just can’t trust the people we should trust if they don’t agree.
This makes the average person susceptible to those few who actually are trying to make them insecure or hurt out of some misguided sense of power or revenge. And it leads to a LOT of therapy for insecurities and trust issues and neuroses. And a lot of people who could benefit from the therapy but will never go because secretly they’re sure that their worthlessness will be exposed.
I tend to feel more empowered when I remind myself that the weight of 1,000,000 random strangers telling me I’m not ‘worthy’ holds no candle to the weight of just one person whose opinions I respect, and who has truly taken the time to get to know me, saying ‘yes you are.’
It’s Not About the Mommies, It’s About the Criminals
May 26, 2009
There’s this little drama that keeps swirling around the blogosphere. It involves paid-blogging, product reviews, honesty, transparency, integrity, liability, blah-blah-blah…
You can go debate it elsewhere if you like. There’s a ton of bloggers sure they have the answer and it’s whatever position they happen to hold on the matter. Do a quick Google and you’ll find a lively argument and people ready to verbally eviscerate each other over what you should or shouldn’t do. Or skip it – it’s getting kind of old, honestly.
But lately, every time you read one of these, they bring up the fact that the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is considering revising their guidelines (for the first time since 1980!) and that it’s looking at Bloggers and how Social Media is impacting marketing.
Unfortunately, this is usually being dragged out as some sort of threat to “Mommy Bloggers” and whomever dredges it up tries to use it to imply that moms who blog product reviews “better watch out!”
Okay, seriously people. Let’s get to the real, shall we?
1) Moms (and Mommy Bloggers) aren’t the only ones out there doing product reviews. It’s just that they’re the latest group to get focused on by mainstream media and by marketing bloggers. But Tech Bloggers have been doing reviews for years. Magazine writers have been doing product reviews for years. Did you think that every one of those beauty & fashion magazines that tout the latest boots or makeup haven’t been sent samples? If so, you are living in fantasyland.
Companies have long been sending product samples to those who review – be they old-school magazines, bloggers, or even the currently-hot-but-totally-misunderstood-and-mislabeled “Mommy Bloggers.”
2) The FTC? They’re trying to revise their guidelines so that they have the power to go after criminals. That’s right, I said criminals. Those perpetrating fraud on consumers. Those guys. The bad guys.
Don’t know who they are? Here… let me show you.
Now, given that I don’t want to drive traffic to scammers, I’m not linking these websites, I’m just doing screenshots. Each small image links only to a larger, more detailed capture of the sites.
Now, what’s the difference between these “blogs”? The names (Alexandra vs. Claudia) and the locations (Georgetown, TX vs. Aurora, CO) – but other than that? Not much. Same pictures, same text, same everything.
As I said, I’m not about to drive traffic to these scammers – but you can see from the URL’s in the image above that they aren’t presented as marketing sites – they come across as blogs. Mommy Blogs.
I suspect that like many of these scams, these particular sites will disappear soon enough – to be replaced by the exact same everything but on new URLs. So I deliberately linked the images above to a basic scroll capture. For whatever reason, SnagIt couldn’t get the “comments” that are at the bottom of each page — if you’re really curious? They are simply text that is the exact same on both sites with the exception of the names, and are designed to imply that people have tried these and they work.
So why would the FTC want to be able to go after these guys?
Because if I’m a woman desperately trying to lose weight, and I come across one of these sites, I’m probably only getting in so far before I give up. What $50? $100? Then I’m certainly not going to tell anyone I got scammed. But I’m also not going to take the time and money required to sue them. Besides, how do you sue a con artist successfully?
This is where the FTC comes in. If they have not only the ability but the mission to “get these guys”? Well it benefits us all. Because “these guys” are going to keep suckering people in by pretending to be “moms who just stumbled on this amazing secret!” and it doesn’t do any of the real Mommy Bloggers and Product Reviewers any favors.
I’ve never known a real Mommy Blogger who claimed that she lost 25 pounds in 2 weeks using a miracle cure. But these sites above? I’ve seen their ads on Facebook and on Google. In fact, that’s where I first saw them. I clicked through an ad because it said that someone “near me” had discovered this “free” miracle weight loss method. I was curious what the scam was.
But I knew it was a scam before I clicked… My heart goes out to the overweight woman who gives it a try only to find out that she’s signed up for “autodelivery” and auto-billing… or given her credit card information to some guy in Malaysia.
So enough with the scare articles about the FTC coming to get us all, okay? Honestly, they’re just trying to make the Internet less scummy… and Mommy Bloggers? Not scammers. Not scummy. Really.
Even a Chatterbox like Me Listens…
November 22, 2008
Okay, you’re probably reading that headline and thinking: ‘Chatterbox? GeekMommy, you hardly post regularly let alone frequently!’ and if we’re talking about this blog, well, guilty as charged. I’m trying to remedy that. But that last post of mine hit such a nerve that I was a little afraid about what to follow it up with. So I’ve been sort of, well hiding procrastinating. Waiting for the right escape route motivation.
But back to that chatterbox thing. Yeah, I was checking my stats over on Twitter tonight using Tweetstats and realized that even though I’ve toned it down a notch, I’m still one of the noisiest birds on the block over there.
Then one of the people I read and heed the most when it comes to anything on Social Media, Chris Brogan [@chrisbrogan] posted this brilliant piece on where to start if you are just getting in to the whole Social Mediasphere – If I Started Today.
How I wish that piece had been around when I first started trying to figure it out! It’s kind of like a shortcut on bypassing the early, awkward stages and getting right up to on-ramp speed.
But at the end of the, as he usually does, Chris asked for input from his community. Since I happened to be up right as he twittered it (who me? insomnia? nahhh) I noticed that he had left out the thing that I consider the most important part of learning how Social Media works – Listening.
It doesn’t surprise me that Chris forgot to add it initially – I think he does it so naturally it’s like breathing with him. Surprisingly, a lot of people jumping on the Social Media bandwagon these days think it’s more about being heard and don’t understand the power of listening. But Chris and pretty much everyone else I’ve learned from* over the past 18 months sure gets it. Listening is key.
Sometimes, because I’m so chatty (or noisy as some would say) people make the mistake of thinking I’m not listening. Then I end up repeating something back to them they said a few hours or weeks earlier and they seem stunned. You see, as much as I love to talk, share and inform, well… I love learning even more. You learn from listening, observing, and paying attention.
Granted, sometimes when I get excited about something you pretty much have to use a crowbar to get a word in edgewise – but rest assured, when you do get that word in? I’m actually listening to you, not just planning out what I will say next.
And that’s the most important advice I would give anyone wanting to know how to start in Social Media. Listen. Read. Get the rhythm of the conversation going on around you. That way when you start talking? You’ll have something really worth hearing.
Speaking of what you have to say? I’m listening!
*I’d list all of those folks I learn from but we’d be here forever – however, that is totally fodder for another post… hm. ~GM
Obligation, Right, and Privilege
November 4, 2008
The three words in the title of this post often confuse people. You will see them consistently misused in conversation.
Let’s get the dictionary definitions right out of the way, shall we? I’m going to use Dictionary.com because I’ve always liked their service (and it compiles definitions from diverse sources.) I’m also not going to cite the ‘full’ definitions, because it would take up too much space and you are perfectly capable of clicking through if you’re so inclined.
ob·li·ga·tion noun
1. something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.
right noun
18. a just claim or title, whether legal, prescriptive, or moral: You have a right to say what you please.
19. Sometimes, rights. that which is due to anyone by just claim, legal guarantees, moral principles, etc. (women’s rights; Freedom of speech is a right of all Americans)
priv·i·lege noun
1. A peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor; a right or immunity not enjoyed by others or by all; special enjoyment of a good, or exemption from an evil or burden; a prerogative; advantage; franchise.
Yes, I did pick specific definitions. Every dictionary comes close – but they try to differentiate themselves from each other by using more lines or varying wording. In the end, you have to choose a definition that works for you and go with it.
The emphasis on privilege? That’s mine. I want to make sure that it’s highlighted.
This post is what I consider to be an obligatory post. My moral compass tells me that on this day, of all days, I shouldn’t just be posting about random happenings, products, experiences or what-have-you. I should be posting about today’s election in the U.S.A. Because this is November 4th 2008 and the US presidential election will have an impact not just on Americans, but on everyone else worldwide.
I suppose you expect that this next paragraph will be about voting for a particular candidate. Most blogs I read have endorsed one or the other of the 2 main party candidates. A few have supported 3rd party candidates – and a couple even advocated writing in a candidate who didn’t make it past our semi-institutionalized primaries contest.
I’m not going to do that.
I can’t say that I don’t care who you vote for. That would be lying. But I’m not going to try and influence who you vote for. You’ve either decided long ago, or you are sick of reading all of the ‘vote for X!’ posts like I am. (Or given how late I’m posting this? You’ve already voted.)
But some people in the U.S. think that just because voting in our democracy is a right that it won’t go away. Those people need to scroll back up and read the bolded part of the definition of privilege.
The ability to vote in open elections in the United States is a privilege we enjoy in this country because many more people that you can ever count have fought and sometimes died to maintain it.
If you don’t think it can go away? You are mistaken. Rights aren’t guaranteed to be enforceable, they are just based on principles. In this country? You have the privilege to vote. But more than that? You have an obligation to.
So if you’re reading this and you’re thinking that maybe you’ll just skip it because your candidate is probably already going to win/lose and there will be long lines at the polls and you’d have to leave work early or get home late? Don’t.
Go. Vote.
It’s your right, your privilege, and your obligation. Because if you don’t use it? You could lose it.
Weight Loss Wednesday – You Say Tacos, I say Mockos…
August 20, 2008
I didn’t get on the scale today – because I did on Monday as part of my participation in the Tweightloss Challenge. I’m on a team trying to lose weight with the help and support of our Twitterpals. So far, I’m down 5 lbs from where I started my journey and 3 from where I started the challenge. Or I was on Monday anyways… I’ve decided to try and keep myself to weighing only once a week, or I start getting obsessive about it and that way leads to stress and neurosis for me.
But I was trying to figure out what I could post that might help someone else thinking about all of this and then I remembered that GeekDaddy & I make a recipe that goes over big with our friends and they always wish we’d told them about it sooner… so I thought I’d share it.
Several years back, we tried one of those “highly restrictive professional diets” – there are a lot of them out there and you probably see them advertised on TV and in your local paper. This one actually happens to work – I lost over 25 lbs on it, and GeekDaddy lost 35 and hit his target weight – which is part of what proved our downfall. It was so much easier and faster for him that I got disillusioned when I was only 1/2 way to my goal and he was done and ready for “maintenance.” The other part of the failure equation was that the diet itself was so crazy restrictive that when I lost it and took “one weekend off to eat like a normal person” and he joined me, 3 months later we were both right back where we started.
One really good thing came out of it though and that was that the extreme lack of anything resembling a simple carbohydrate made us get creative. We came up with ‘Mockos’ (the name is a play on words of course, mock tacos -> mockos) because we were hard pressed to find meals that weren’t boring and bland… given that salt was verboten and most food was really generally unappetizing after a few weeks.
butter lettuce
What you need
~ 1 head of Butter Lettuce
~ 1 lb of lean ground beef or 99% fat-free ground turkey (the other kind is gross, thanks)
~ 1 can of either black beans or pinto beans
~ 1 bag of 2% shredded cheese
~ Taco seasonings (can either be a packet from the store or do like we do and put chili powder, garlic, onion powder and tabasco sauce in w/ the meat instead)
Brown the meat in a frying pan, season with taco seasoning, drain off any excess fat/grease. Zap the beans in the microwave. Set aside about 1/4 cup of 2% shredded cheese for each person. Use the individual butter lettuce leaves like you would a tortilla – so like a mini burrito or soft taco - you are going to put about 1/2 beans and 1/2 meat into a leaf, sprinkle on some cheese and roll it up and eat as you go. GeekDaddy adds salsa to his, I don’t. To each her own.
It serves about 2-3 people. You may find you have “stuff” left over. Just put it in the fridge and make it into a nice taco salad the next day.
Seriously – it’s tons healthier and really easy. Plus you can kind of play with the seasoning until you get it where you want it. We’ve done it with lean beef, ground turkey, ground buffalo, and even chicken. It’s fun and fast.
Yeah, not much of a recipe, but seriously. Yum.
Tell me if you try it what you think and how you make it your own!
Money $aving Monday – Move It Around
August 18, 2008
This is a quick tip – but the recent spate of cold weather here reminded me that, with school starting, we’re headed on our way toward Fall and changing weather.
A simple way to save money on both your heating and cooling bills is to remember that you don’t need to heat or cool the *whole* house.
In our house, along with the 6 month changing of the furnace filter we do a 6 month “changing of the guard” on our air/heating vents.
In cooler months, we close the upstairs vents and open those on the first floor – because heat rises. Likewise, in warmer times, we open the vents on the top floor and close those on the first floor, because colder air inevitably drifts downward. If you’re keeping all your vents open, your heating & cooling systems have to do twice the work. That’s twice the electricity.
It’s a small effort twice a year, but believe me, it saves you bigtime on the energy bill!!
Have a great Monday!
It’s True – It’s All in Your Head…
July 27, 2008
Yes, I know. I owe you guys about 4 other posts from BlogHer and my trip to San Francisco in general. I’ll get right on that with my usual alacrity…
But sometimes a concept keeps coming up repeatedly in my life from different avenues and different vectors – and I’ve learned over time that when that happens, it’s in my best interest to pay attention to it – and usually right now.
So there’s this thing, this life-lesson if you will, that has popped up several times this week and I think I’d be more than a little remiss if I didn’t put everything else on the back burner and write about it.
You see, earlier this week, I was having a conversation with one of my best friends. He’s in the middle of a job hunt – but his field is one that isn’t exactly opening up. Rather, it’s becoming more limited and more specialized. Kind of like watch repair. Not many people going in to watch repair these days – because the average person probably just replaces a watch that breaks since it’s either digital or inexpensive. Sure – there’s always a need for those who can repair really expensive watches with internal mechanisms – but it’s not like it’s an expanding field.
So my friend? He says to me the other night “how do I even get started here? All of the guys I’d be competing with have 30 years experience in the field – why would anyone want to hire me over them?”
My response kind of surprised me… but it was something both he and I needed to hear right then, so it boiled up from my subconscious where these things develop until I need them.
“See that’s where your problem is – you shouldn’t be asking the question ‘why would anyone want to hire me over them?’ you should be answering the question. For them and for yourself. Why hire you over someone with 30 years in the business? Maybe because you’re young and still passionate about it? You’re not just going to phone-it-in because you’ve been doing it for so long you’ve lost the drive? That you’re able to blend the experience you do have with a modern perspective? I can keep going if you’d like…” I told him.
He’s a smart guy. He got the perspective shift right away.
There have been a few other instances where I’ve found myself telling someone this week “you’re looking at it wrong – you’re asking the question when you should be answering it.” Don’t say “Why should I go to BlogHer when I’m not an a-list blogger and I don’t already have a group of friends there to hang out with?” Say “I should go because I have my own unique voice to add, and I can learn things too, and besides, I can make a group of new friends to hang out with this year and any other that I go.” Don’t say “Why should they select me to speak at that conference when there’s so many people with bigger reputations and more experience speaking at these things?” Say “they should select me because I’m passionate about this, and I want to share that passion and my knowledge about it with others. I can’t get more experience if I’m not putting myself out there and this is the right time for me to start letting people know that I have a voice worth listening to, too.”
See – I know there is someone who will read the above and think “hey… is she dissing me because I *do* have 30 years experience in my field?” and the answer is not at all. If you’ve got 30 years of experience (and success) in your field, it’s because you already know this part. Intuitively or expressly, you know that rather than asking “Why should someone hire me when I’m getting older and there’s all these hot-shot young kids around trying to climb the ladder?” you say “Of course they’re going to hire me – because I’ve got experience, perspective, and a proven ability to add value. My track record speaks for itself.”
One of the many secrets to being successful in any field is to be the one who answers the question “Why me?” rather than the one asking it.
Think about it for a second and you’ll probably find that you know a lot of people who don’t put themselves out there because they always come up with the “Why me?” questions rather than being able to answer them… and you’ll also realize that they’re the ones limiting themselves. If you can’t answer the question – how do you expect someone who doesn’t even know you to answer it?
Yeah, they won’t. They’ll move on to the guy/gal after you who does have an answer for it. Sometimes, you have to go the step beyond believing in yourself and communicate it to someone else effectively. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself asking “why him/her and not me?” too often.
Okay. Moment of enlightenment over. I’ll get on those other posts next. But I’ve got some company coming over and I’m going to go enjoy myself. Because I deserve it!
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